infertility

…we’ve all been there. Unfortunately, that’s where I find myself today. I’m not sure exactly what I want to do about these stupid blocked tubes of mine, if anything.  I can opt for another reversal procedure. I can opt for in vitro fertilization. I can opt for adoption. I can opt for being happy with what I have and just let it all go.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my children dearly.  A few days ago, my son asked me if the reason we wanted another child was because he (my only son), “wasn’t good enough”.  Talk about breaking a mother’s heart.  Even though I knew that was NOT true, I didn’t know how to explain my feelings to my son.  After a few moments, I finally found the answer. “Son, that is not why I want another baby. It’s just that you are so wonderful, mom wants to experience having another one like you all over again - and this time be able to share that with you and give you somebody else to love, too.”  I was satisfied with my answer, and more importantly, so was he.

Unfortunately, my poor husband is just as baffled about what to do as I am. He originally said no to the idea of IVF.  Suddenly when we find out the tubes are blocked, he immediately said, “We’ll look into IVF.”  Yeah, that’s about as far as that went. We haven’t really looked into it because of the costs involved. It’s been a few months since the doctor so coldly announced that the tubes were blocked, and I’m still just about as depressed as I was then about it.  I’ll figure out something. Of course, I’ll share it with you when I do.  Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I feel as if I always need a plan.  Right now, I need a plan. I know what I want for the end result, I’m just not sure how I’m getting there.  Everyone, put your thinking caps on…. let’s ALL think of a plan. At least formulating a plan is a step forward, right?

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