infertility

Considering that I’ve been finding myself in a funk lately, I thought a good topic to address would be one that’s often overlooked through the course of fertility treatments.  The emotional toll that infertility can take on a couple can be intense, especially for the female partner.  Unfortunately, most fertility doctors spend their precious (and often expensive) moments discussing test results, upcoming tests and possible options with their patients instead of asking a heartfelt, “How are you doing, really?”

The range of emotions felt by a woman undergoing fertility treatment are often extreme and can change at a moments notice.  Hormone therapy can play havoc with the natural balance, and the men around us often think that PMS is no longer a temporary issue.  I remember one of the first months my doctor had me on Clomid. I cried about everything. Taking the puppy to the vet and having to leave her for 2 hours had me in tears. My boss mistakenly accused me of something and I was a sobbing mess.  And, what made matters even worse is that I knew I wasn’t able to hold it together, but I also knew that there was nothing I could do about it. The meds were already in my system, and there just wasn’t a way to get them out.  And, through all of this, I kept thinking that maybe, just maybe, it would be worth it in the end because I might get that precious baby I was longing for.  Nope. No such luck.

My days of dealing with the “Clomid Crazies” are over.  The medication just wasn’t what I needed, and Lord knows I don’t need anymore help losing my mind! Unfortunately, just because I left the bizarre mood swings behind me, the depression has held on — actually, it’s worse.  At the time I was seeing the infertility doctor, at least I felt like I was doing something to move forward.  Now, I don’t.

If you, or someone you know, is experiencing depression while undergoing fertility treatments, it is very important to speak to the doctor about this.  Studies have shown that women who are depressed have an even harder time conceiving than those who are less stressed.  No, don’t worry. I’m not trying to tell you to “relax and it will happen” (after all, I’d like to be alive to write this blog tomorrow).  However, it may be possible for your physician to give you a mild antidepressant or to put you in touch with a counselor who can help you with your emotions.  Depression, grief, jealously, outrage, betrayal… these are just a few of the emotions I, and thousands of other women dealing with infertility have dealt with on a daily basis.  Don’t feel as if you are alone if you are feeling these same things.  As “unnatural” as infertility seems, it would appear that these feelings are, well, natural.

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